Sunday, January 6, 2008

The "baddies" and some important lessons...

I realized that I'm neglecting posting about books I really don't like so here's a rundown of some of the less-than-wonderful things I've read in the last few days.

The Zoo by Eve Vaughn
This was WILD - pun intended. I actually purchased this e-book knowing that it probably wouldn't be to my taste but after reading the blurb I was just very curious as to how the author would write such a scenario.

It's a futuristic and the basic story is that a deaf earth-woman is taken prisoner by a group of aliens and sold to another planet as an animal attraction at their Zoo. Of course, she's humanoid and similar to the inhabitants of the planet but because it is so far removed from earth (and they don't speak the same language) they don't know that earth people are intelligent beings.

The hero of the book is one of the zookeepers and he is the best at working with difficult "animals" so he is assigned to work with the new earth creature. He realizes that she isn't a "beast" to be put on display and is extremely attracted to her but knows that in order to help her he has to keep his hands off of her because sexual relations between the two of them would be considered un-natural (since she's a zoo exhibit) and could land him in jail where he would be unable to help her at all. Finally, he realizes that the only way he can save her from living and being treated (poorly) like an animal at the zoo is to escape with her leaving - which he'll do because he loves her, of course.

Did I mention that the hero has two penises? No? well I should have. And what is the plural of penis - does anyone know? Is it peni? Penis's? Penis'? I just really don't know. I also should have mentioned that the zoo also has a male earth beast on display and the zoo hopes that the heroine will procreate with him. Sadly, their plot is doomed to fail because the male is gay. The zookeepers don't know that of course, since they don't even understand that earthlings are sentient.

Since I got it merely to satisfy my curiousity, I wasn't expecting much. The story wasn't absolutely horrible but it wasn't very good either. The characters were pretty flat and the plot needed way more developing to be any kind of decent read. But it was kind of a thought-provoking premise. What would aliens think of us? Would we be lower life-forms to them?

If you're curious too this one (and others in the series) is available from Changeling Press.


The Dark One by Angela Knight
This is another one from Changeling Press that I got yesterday. It was actually the reason that I wandered onto the Changeling website in the first place - I was searching for more AK books. I bought it on the basis of her name but WHOA!! It is NOT the Angela Knight that I adore reading. The story was dark and brutal in regards to the sexual content (which is almost all of the content). I'm not going into details but it went way beyond my personal boundaries.

TODAY'S LESSON #1: There really is a "dark side." If you don't want to see it, be careful where you look.


Mating Net by Rowena (Beaumont) Cherry
This is a prequel to FORCED MATE by Rowena Cherry (who evidentially uses Rowena Beaumont Cherry for her more spicy reads *snorting in disbelief*). I've read FORCED MATE and thought it was basically OK (but just OK). So when I came across this on the New Concepts website I decided to give it a try. UGH!

TODAY'S LESSON #2: A rose by any other name sometimes smells really, REALLY bad.

This book was HORRIBLE. Some of the worst crap I've ever seen published. Not because it was obscene or anything but because it was just crap! The development of the characters, the plot, heck - even the world building was non-existent. The whole damn book was absolutely pointless. Fifty-eight wasted pages containing a whole lot of NOTHING. I wish I could get both my time and money back. The only way this story should have seen the light of day is as a 'freebie' on Rowena Cherry's blog. It was so poorly written that I really can't believe they have the nerve to charge money for it. It's rubbish!

Feline Heat by Madelaine Montague
This one was like a car accident - I just couldn't look away. Yes, I actually finished the story but who knows why.

Here's what I posted elsewhere when talking about it to a friend:
“This woman is being forced by the mob to be an exotic dancer to pay off an old boyfriend's debts. So they capture and bring in a Siberian Tiger and a Lion to be part of her act but what they've actually captured is two guys who are shape-shifters -their base forms are cats but they can shift into humans. Anyway, she's terrified but she's supposed to rub up against the animals and stuff while dancing but the shape-shifters are aroused by her even in their cat form and the tiger ends up *edited for language* having sex with her on stage - AS A CAT!! Yeah. Rips her and everything. NO *edited for language* kidding! So then, she knows she's going to be forced to perform with them again so she frees the cats - only they're men - and they take her on the run with them. And they keep randomly having unemotional (IMO) sex with her - not like menage but like who-gets-sloppy-seconds? Despite the fact that their kind isn't supposed to be mated to a human they both feel like they are. In the end, the chick ends up pregnant - which supposedly can only happen if a human REALLY loves a shifter - and, of course, it's twins. But who is the father? Nobody knows until they're born because they've both been 'seeding the field' so to speak. So the two cats (who have random bouts of challenging each other for her - cause cats don't normally share anything) decide that whoever the father is (evidentially they can tell when they're born) will be the one that gets to stay with the chick and the other will have to leave. Oh.... but it gets better. The twins are born and they're, of course, fraternal twins. And both cats are the fathers - one baby for each of them. NOT KIDDING!!! So they stay as one big happy cat-family. Oh yeah... and did I mention that the cat-shifters are foreign and English is the second language and it's actually WRITTEN with an accent with them saying everything like "I'm tinking ve vill run from the man-children wid dis veak and helpless pretty little ting" In the end, both shifters admit that they "luf" her. SERIOUSLY!””

TODAY'S LESSON #3: The instant gratification of e-books may lead to impulse buying and THERE ARE NO RETURNS!!

This concludes today's lessons. I hope we've all learned a little something today - I know I have!


Holly said...

Ok, that last review is probably the funniest thing I've ever read, in one of those, "OMG, no you didn't" kind of ways. LOL The accent? I think that's what sealed the deal for me.

I feel bad that you had to suffer through those. EEK!

Ange - The Romance Groupie said...

LOL! It was HILARIOUS - but not in a good way. I just couldn't look away!

During this same reading period I did read Moving Target by Cheyenne McCray and loved that (I'll be posting about it soon) and I found Sherrill Quinn's Praetorian's series - which I'm liking so far so it wasn't all bad.

Angie-la said...

You know how when you are just kidda screwin' around clicking on random blog links on other peoples blogs and you find someone that totally and completely amuses you?
Yup! I'm talking about you!

Thanks for the laughs. This was one of the best posts I've read in days!

Kate Diamond said...

I tink de cat book vas very funny-sounding.